The Pursuit of Pursuit

Over the past two days, I’ve arranged to spend time with a couple of very good friends at different times. I really looked forward to those times. It wasn’t because I wanted to talk to them about something specific, or I needed their help with something. It was simply because they’re my friends, and I love them, and I enjoy spending time with them.

And that really made me think. How often do I do that with God? How often do I set out to spend time with Him just to spend time with Him? Not very often. Certainly not as often as I’d like.

So often I feel like either I have an ulterior motive (I need help with something, or a solution to a problem I’ve been struggling with) or I’m doing it out of a sense of duty (Oh dear, I haven’t read my Bible much this week, so I ought to do it now).

Let me be clear: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with going to God with struggles and worries, or being disciplined when it comes to prayer and Bible time. But I don’t think that’s all there should be.

It’s something I think God’s been trying to teach me lately. 

Last Friday was an example. I’d just got home (fairly late) after having spent time with friends. For me, it had involved some particularly good conversation, and some answers to prayer, so I was worshipping and thanking God quite enthusiastically as I drove home. Getting out of the car, I happened to look up at the sky, and noticed that it was completely full of stars. The more I looked, the more stars I noticed.

OK, so it wasn't quite as dramatic as this, but you get the idea...

It was just me and God, there in the silence. I got completely lost in the wonder of it all. As I gazed upwards, a shooting star flashed across the sky, right where I was looking. Bigger and brighter than any other shooting star I’d seen before.

Me being me, my first reaction was to dash inside and start looking up references to stars in the Bible, to see what it might “mean”. What God might be trying to say to me. Then something stopped me in my tracks. The gentlest of whispers, straight into my heart:

“What are you doing?”

I tried to explain myself. I didn’t do a very good job.

“Does it have to mean anything? I just knew you’d like it.”

You can imagine what that did to me. Stopping me to look at the stars was a little reminder that He was there. That He loved me, just because He loved me. That He enjoys spending time with us, and enjoys giving us good gifts, just because. That He is pursuing us relentlessly.

I want to be the kind of girl that’s constantly chasing after Jesus, just for Jesus, rather than for what I can get out of it. I want to pursue Him the same way He’s been pursuing me. I want to start now. And I don’t want to stop. Ever.  

Tonight, I’m heading to a worship conference. As I was driving earlier, vaguely praying, I remember saying “I can’t wait to spend time with you tonight.”

I could feel that same gentle whisper, responding:

“Neither can I”

And that makes me even more excited.