You Need Only to be Still

"Moses answered the people,
'Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will 
see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. 
The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.'"

(Exodus 14:13-14, NIV)

For the past fortnight or so, I've felt like I've really been under attack. I notice (although not often quite in time) that it happens quite often when I step out, or press into, something I know I'm being called to do. This time was a bit different. This attack's been particularly vicious; right to what is probably the biggest gap in my armour. 

That gap is called isolation. Exclusion. Loneliness. Those three are all very closely connected and, for me, extremely painful. I've struggled a lot with them in the past. In fact, they've led to me being so hurt in the past that I've stopped going to church for extended periods twice in my life; both times, for over a year. If there's one thing that's guaranteed to bring me to my knees, it's that. And, because I've been burned before, it doesn't take much. I know that when this area gets attacked, the enemy's really bringing out the big guns. And I've felt like I've been in the fight of my life. 

Thankfully, this time God was already on my case before I'd fully realised what had (literally) hit me. He blessed me through an unexpected conversation with a very wise friend who, through some very good questions (and one or two tears) helped me pin down exactly what had been troubling me. It meant I got a bit of a head start in being able to deal with it. 

Over the past few weeks, those verses from Exodus have been popping up quite a bit. Firstly, someone tweeted them out of the blue. Then through a daily Bible reading email. I hadn't really noticed them before - I tended to skip to the parting-the-sea bit in the following verses - but I was starting to think I needed to pay attention.  

A week or so ago, I was reflecting on verse 14 and realised it sounded rather familiar. I flicked to the back page of my Bible, which I've been using to keep track of things I've felt the Lord saying to me. There, in black and white, date-marked the end of November last year, were the following words:

"Why are you fighting it? Let me do the fighting on this one; you just rest in Me a while."

I'd written that before I really knew that passage in Exodus existed. Then, on Sunday morning, our minister read the passage out during the worship time. 

Ever get the feeling someone's trying to get your attention? 

It's been clear that for a while now I feel like I've been fighting several battles at once. There's been so much going on that I've been spreading myself too thin, trying to fight them all. I haven't excluded God completely, but I've been trying to do it all in my own strength. 

I know now that I need to stop doing that. And yes, I knew it before - in my head - but now that truth is starting to make its way to my heart. And I hope to goodness that it stays there. Heaven knows it's a lesson I desperately need to remember. 

The thing is, I don't like admitting that I'm weak. I'm not comfortable being vulnerable. This post, for example, has been tremendously difficult to write. But I'm learning that it's okay to admit that I'm weak because I am. But even when I feel weak, He is strong. He is my refuge. My fortress. 

He doesn't sleep. He's watching over me. He surrounds me. He is faithful forever. 

As for being still? I think a big part of that is reminding myself who He is and, in turn, who I am in Him. That He chose me - that I can call myself his daughter.  

Remembering that my identity doesn't depend on who does - or doesn't - speak to me at church, or anywhere else. It doesn't depend on whether or not someone replies to my message, or asks how I'm doing, or makes me feel like part of what's going on. 

He will fight for me. I know that means now is not the time to confront. The time might come when it is - or it might not. It's also definitely not the time to whine about it, or try and fix it for myself. For now, I know that what I need to do is to be still. To know that He is God, the Lord of heaven's armies, the One that calmed the storm and parted the Red Sea. 

That I am His child. 

That rather than bringing me to my knees in defeat, I can go to my knees in prayer, and trust that my Heavenly Father is taking care of the rest. 

That the Lord will fight for me; I need only to be still.

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I'm sharing this post as part of Coffee for your Heart link-up and the Beloved Brews link-up: